Today's "Song of the Day" is a bit of a defiant rant for me. I knew since yesterday afternoon what it was going to be because of an incident that occurred. I've been thinking about going back to yesterday's post and taking back some of what I said about him, but in the spirit of my writing style and this blog, what is said is said. When I wrote it I was feeling it and if I were to write that same post today, it wouldn't include anything about him.
The last time we broke up, I wrote a post about how I was feeling at the time, and I guess I still feel that way:
"I told him that even though he tells me I’m very special, I’m simply not special enough. I wasn’t to Joe and I’m not to him."
I posted this song on Facebook that day and he responded to the post with an email telling me that I was indeed very special to him. He was just trying to make me feel better, but the email ending up having the opposite effect (and thus the reason for our total estrangement today).
The incident I refer to here from yesterday is one that I won't detail, but let's just say that from the looks of things I feel as the whole thing had no meaning, no purpose. I'm beginning to understand things better, seeing how he goes through his life and I had no control over anything from the start. I just happened to be an innocent casualty along the way. He's clearly already moved on and so now must I.
Maybe this happened for a reason, this something I stumbled upon accidentally which gave me this newfound resentment and anger. It was a kick in the pants to realize that I was right all along, to him I just wasn't special enough. I deleted him from Facebook and blocked him from seeing mine, ensuring that something like this will never happen again. He probably won't even notice for along, long time, anyway. I will use my feelings now to move on and to rid myself once and for all the despair I've been experiencing since December, to put that chapter of my life behind me once and for all and move on for good.
In the meantime, I post this "Song of the Day," a classic from Chrissy Hynde and the Pretenders. It's a reminder that whether or not I ever find "the one," I am indeed special, so special! Enjoy "Brass in Pocket":
Here are the lyrics to the song:
Brass in Pocket
Got brass in pocket
Got bottle I'm gonna use it
Intention I feel inventive
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice
Got motion restrained emotion
Been driving detroit leaning
No reason just seems so pleasing
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice
[Chorus:]
Gonna use my arms
Gonna use my legs
Gonna use my style
Gonna use my sidestep
Gonna use my fingers
Gonna use my, my, my imagination
'Cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special so special
I gotta have some of your attention give it to me
Got rhythm I can't miss a beat
Got new skank it's so reet
Got something I'm winking at you
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice
[Chorus]
'Cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special, so special
I gotta have some of your attention
Give it to me
'Cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special, so special
I gotta have some of your attention
Give it to me
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